Culture

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Kyiv-Pechersk Lavra. Photo by Ganna Aibetova on Unsplash

I am sure that many of my acquaintances would like to have an explanation of what exactly has happened. Not having opportunities and the strength to tell each of them about it individually, I decided to write my story openly.

What preceded:

For the first time I turned to God with a prayer and experienced His presence thanks to the missionary Fr. Andrey Kurayev. The Christian Mission, or the art of how to talk to non-church people about the faith in God and Christianity, is something that has always occupied my attention. Over time I realized that this is my main calling. Shortly after the May 2022 UOC Council, when serious doubts arose about possibility of the real independence of our Church, I firmly told myself that I would not be able to stay in the UOC in two cases:
— if I see the return of the UOC to its previous relations with the Russian Orthodox Church;
— or if my own experience shows me that belonging to it radically narrows my opportunities to testify about Christ to people, who do not yet belong to the Church. I am not ready to bury my talent, feeling the responsibility before God for it.

And now about what happened.

Metropolitan Evlogy has placed a ban on my priesthood*. The reason is leaving the place of service. This is true. I had received an offer I could not refuse, because it had not only opened wide opportunities of serving others, that is what I actually know how to do (and what, unfortunately, I can hardly put into practice in Zhuravne), but also related to a topic of great concern to me — the rehabilitation of military personnel.

But all this in a place where the appearance of the UOC archimandrite could not but cause serious tension. That is why I asked Metropolitan Evlogy to relieve me of my regular administrative and priestly duties. This would preserve the opportunity for me to sometimes conduct church services in Zhuravne and Rybalske. The only way to get his consent was that under no circumstances could he be told exactly where I was going. He refused, gently, but refused. So I informed the four sisters-nuns and a few parishioners (oh, it was difficult!) that the circumstances of my life have turned out to be such that I have to move to Kyiv, and I can conduct services only once a month. I asked not to disclose this for now. It was a difficult, but well-considered decision for me.

Having found myself in Kyiv, I saw with my own eyes that my further stay in the UOC would not only harm the cause itself, but also bring trouble to those who vouched for me. It turned out that they also really hoped that I would quickly make a decision about entering the jurisdiction of the OCU. And the reason is not the "ungodly government", not the "cunning machinations" of the OCU, but the fact that the society is strongly opposed to the UOC. And this is primarily on the conscience of the leadership and episcopate of the UOC, with their shameful silence!

It was like I had hit the wall: "here they are, your closed missionary opportunities!" However, I had discovered that, even following a great goal, it would be very hard to stop conducting services at least once a month, that is completely break ties with those with whom I served for fifteen years, whom I loved, and who loved me. To make this step on my own had been extremely difficult. This knot, which I could not untie myself, has been untied by Metropolitan Evlogy, when I told him exactly where I got the job, and that I could conduct services only once a month. The Metropolitan warned me that if I did not change my mind, he would ban me from the ministry. And I replied that had already decided to accept the possible consequences when I wrote to him.

So I am banned. I am even grateful to him for that.

And also sincerely grateful that on the fifth day of the war, when there were battles with the Rashists on the outskirts of Sumy, the Metropolitan was not afraid to support the open letter of the clergy of our diocese with the refusal to mention the so-called Russian "patriarch" Kirill in common prayers (and Gundyaev would never forgive those who started this!). And later, an open letter to Metropolitan Onufriy about the necessity of convening a new UOC Council and completely breaking with the Russian Orthodox Church. For being one of only two (if I'm not mistaken) UOC bishops who openly protested Putin even before the full-scale war.

He never reprimanded me for my initiatives. Well, and as for "the serf leaving his master" — this is what our bishops are never able to suffer, this is beyond their strength! Our kind, priests, are property of their respective bishops. The era of medieval serfdom is not over for us, especially in our diocese.

And now, as a farewell, I would like to share a few painful things about the Ukrainian Orthodox Church.

I met God in the UOC. I became what I am today — with all my views contrary to the general trends of the UOC — while and because of being in it. I came to this church as a Ukrainophobe, a cosmopolitan, and turned into a patriot. In the past I often asked God to give me the right understanding of various events. That is why, during the Orange Revolution, I was able to see my people in a completely different way, fell in love with them, and even had decided to extensively learn the Ukrainian language.

Due to the fact that I was openly expressing my views about Yanukovych and supporting the Revolution of Dignity (like most of the members of the small parish of the Sumy Theological College), the bishop at that time did not want to ordain me as a deacon, as he initially indended, because I was "not humble". But later my views did not prevent me from becoming a priest in the same diocese, but under a new bishop.

Even long before 2022, I tried to speak frankly with parishioners and individual priests I knew about the problems and diseases of the UOC, about Russia and its destructive influence, about the unchristian, sinful attitude towards the Ukrainian Orthdox Church of the Kyiv Patriarchate and the Orthdox Chruch of Ukraine, the inability and unwillingness to solve the problem of the "schism" themselves, later — about the fact that the OCU is an ecclesiologically complete Church. I tried to write about it under a pseudonym on Facebook, but in the reactions of the vast majority I saw that they are not ready to hear all of it, my efforts were not achieving anything, only softening the radical views of some parishioners. I told myself: covering the embrasure (that is getting an automatic priesthood ban) you will not be of much use to anyone, stand down, self-professed undercover agent, wait for your time. I believed, moreover, I somehow knew for sure that there would be a time when many in the UOC would be able to hear the truth. I did not think, though, that this would be the time of the full-scale invasion of Russia. In case someone gets an impression that I am some kind of a strong fighter for the truth, I will honestly say that I mostly used to be a conformist, who nevertheless would "break free" on occasion. But there were frequent conversations with parishioners and sisters. Let's put it this way, the further I went, the more I freed myself from conformity (which has nothing to do with humility, by the way).

With the beginning of the full-scale war I began to see the diseases of the UOC more systematically and deeply, even to the point of utter horror. At the beginning of the war, when I published my first critical article, "The UOC. How we turn the Ukrainian society against ourselves." (in Russian), I did not grasp even half of these problems.

But I never - never!!! - felt that the Lord had abandoned the UOC. Unfortunately, as of today, despite the efforts of people like me who started to cause disturbances in the system, everything came to a standstill and then crashed, no, not even against the pro-Russian part of the episcopate (and they did resist), but against Metropolitan Onufriy.

Who has seated himself on the throne, where only the Counciliarity of the Church can sit. And what he plans to do next — no one knows. All I can hear from what he says, privately and publicly, does not add up to a single picture, these are contradictory statements. But because of his choice, everyone suffers.

Yes, Christ did not leave the UOC, but His feet are bound there. He would like to "go" to schools, universities, the army. But they reply to Him: "Oh Lord God, how could You possibly go there! Only godless people are there, they chase us away from everywhere. Better sit with us, comfort and pity us!" He would like to say something to the Ukrainian Orthodox Church, but His voice is drowned out by the great clamor: "Persecution for Christ! Godless mob is trying to destroy the Church!"

I became a sad witness of how a large church community refuses an integral, perhaps the main, vocation of the Church, as well as turns away from the heart of their people. For fear of being in a situation of "canonical non-recognition". Such little faith and cowardice can be forgiven only to neophytes.

I do not consider it necessary to explain everything, although I understand that my revelations may provoke a series of questions. For example, there was an unresolved issue with my further service in the Convent of Zhuravne, but I will not talk about it here.

I tried to be responsible for the place where I was born spiritually, attempting to the last, while there is still an opportunity, not to leave, but to change it, together with others and with God's help.

But I have hope that my friends will remain friends. And that I will find new friends in the OCU without losing the old ones. And also that the time will come when, seeing the consequences of the "canonical" wars, the phrase "canonical Church" will cause a healthy gag reflex in most people, and the correct phrase "Christ's Church" will be used instead.

* This is a common clergy punishment in the Orthodox Christian tradition: although not defrocked, a priest is strictly forbidden by his bishop to minister or act in any way as a priest, however the bishop can reverse his decision at any time, and then the ban is lifted and the priest returns to his duties as usual — Vohneslovo.

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